In the woke (post-woke, some may claim) age we live in, it's important to be politically correct and appear inclusive. While this does spell progress, these baby steps in tackling misogyny at the workspace -- at offices, virtually, as well as in the field -- are glorified all too often.
Exclusion based on gender and sex might not be as easy to point as they were a few decades ago. But does that mean this is a thing of the past?
"It's as pervasive as the air we breathe," a researcher told this writer. "When something is as much a norm and as subtle, how often do you pay attention to it?"
With the International Women's Day nearing, we talked to women across fields -- IT, academia, journalism, mental healthcare, music, theatre, politics -- about boys' clubs they've encountered. Here's an abridged list of telling signs that this social structure exists. Most of these are typically attributed to too active an imagination on the part of women or dismissed as "nothing". So let's add gaslighting to the list, too?
1.Men take long in the loo after a disagreement.
This happens, techie Purnima has noticed, when a man and a woman have had differing points of view during a meeting, and tempers rise. A guy who may have agreed with a woman colleague comes back post-toilet huddle and toes the chamcha line.
"This is something a lot of other women colleagues have noticed too," said Purnima who has worked across five organisations in the IT sector over a decade and a half.
Read also: Learn more about women's inheritance rights
2.Men head to pubs that women don't frequent
When there's more time, these discussions happen over alcohol, usually at spaces considered not proper for women to be seen at.
"Many women in my office, like me, don't drink or smoke. But even the ones who do, don't get to join them on these off-site discussions," she added.
The reason: the men say they can't drink around women; or talk sex or porn around them -- not even cricket without fear of boring them.
3. Women are taunted for checking on kids via their daycare's video stream, while men stream matches without a care.
Even while at work, Purnima recounted, men openly use office computers to stream live cricket matches and keep track of scores.
"Loud discussions on scores are on too," she said.
But all hell breaks loose, should a young mother choose to check on her child at daycare. Comments range from her wasting time at work to being a bad mother for leaving her child to be cared for by others while she came to make money.
"It's heartbreaking," she sighed.
4.Gender role-based sneers spill over to work calls, too.
Men get teased if they're seen cooking or caring for a child during a Zoom call
"Women are expected to care for the child and have no help," Purnima said.
And if they manage to work at all, amid juggling a child and household chores, it's almost as if the men don't want to know how.
5.Women get feedback about their smiles and kindness during presentations, while men are praised for the content.
Musician and counsellor Tania has noticed this during workshops in academic spaces as well as corporate ones.
"It's as if there's room for women only in the sphere of emotion -- either yours or others'," she said.
6.Clients sabotage meetings, even therapy sessions, and ask you out to coffee.
This is especially true of college students, Tania confided.
"They kill time for the first quarter of a session, and then pop the question," she added. And they were all invariably boys.
7.You get calls to book a band with girls.
When she managed her band, Tania often got calls from people who were clueless about the kind of music they played. They just wanted a band with girls.
"At such shows, men often come up to you and 'request' to sing a duet with you. Or take close up pictures that have made me feel uncomfortable," she recalled.
Read also: Why metaverse needs to be made safer for women, urgently
8.A well-respected artist asks you to perform with them, follows it up with a text to chill.
"There's a clear implication," said Tania.
That's why Vani decided, in the interest of her mental health, to leave the music scene behind her a couple of years ago.
9.Bosses (read men) surround themselves with 'dignified' women.
Apparently, these women all have one style: demure.
"More vocal women are, over time, sidelined," according to Manjari, an academic. "And women colleagues who rise up the ranks are ones who fit the powerful men's definition of "dignified". And finally there are so many layers of people speaking the boys' language between you and the top bosses that you never actually come in contact with the boys."
10.Men cut you off at meetings.
Of course, this is so common a complaint that many women are used to working harder to be heard, as half the women we spoke to confirmed.
Once, a male colleague, who teaches gender among other subjects, told Manjari when she was venting about this: "These are all great guys. If this happens, I pull them aside, put a hand on their shoulder and gently get them to listen to me."
She was incredulous. "Can you imagine a woman actually doing that?"
11.Men try to trip you up on technicalities.
Sitara is an architect who often works on site, and most site engineers she's met are men.
"Some expect you not to understand construction materials, even when they don't. Contradict them, when they aren't keeping clients' needs in mind, and they completely ignore you in meetings," she said. "Or they look into their phones when you speak, and pretend they haven't heard you at all. The message is clear: they want to work with a male architect."
12.Men feel awkward starting conversations about rape, affairs.
Varsha, who handles campaigns and digital marketing for politicians, has gotten used to this.
"They're fine once you broach the subject, though," she said. "The lot I've worked with aren't too used to working around women."
So she's taken the initiative to start these conversations, when necessary.
13.Women are asked to sit in front at conferences.
At the public sector organisation where law and journalism graduate Ritu works, men hold most top offices.
"So to make it look as though the gender ratio is less skewed, front seats are always reserved for heads of sections and women. That way, they can use event photographs to keep up appearances."
14.Troupes rehearse late into the evening.
Karuna, once a full-time theatre artiste, would exit groups that rehearsed late.
"I did theatre full-time, so I was always broke. Either I would walk the 7 km to rehearsal venues and back or use public transport. But I couldn't do either at past 11.30 pm, and rehearsals often would spill over till then," she told us.
- Groups are founded by men, and they rarely plan their functioning to allow women to operate independently.
"It was a largely masculine space, and didn't come with sensitivity to issues related to late-night commute, like safety," she said.
Initially, she would get a ride back home with male teammates who owned vehicles.
"But they immediately assumed you were interested in them, and the vibe got awkward when you met them at rehearsals afterwards," she continued. "As a woman, these are subtle changes in behaviour you can't miss."
(To ensure that speaking out does not adversely impact them, names of some of the women have been changed for anonymity.)
Discover the latest Business News, Sensex, and Nifty updates. Obtain Personal Finance insights, tax queries, and expert opinions on Moneycontrol or download the Moneycontrol App to stay updated!
