Growing up in Maryland, Sonja Lyubomirsky often witnessed her mother’s sadness. After immigrating from Moscow in hopes of a better life, her mother, once a high school literature teacher, found herself cleaning houses in America. Nostalgia, disappointment, and a strained marriage clouded her days. Even as a child, Lyubomirsky couldn’t help but ask: were Russians just unhappier? Or was unhappiness something shaped by circumstance—something that could be changed?
At Harvard in the mid-1980s, Lyubomirsky often raised the topic of happiness, even though her academic adviser studied the psychology of financial markets. At the time, happiness was not yet considered a serious area of research—it was viewed as too vague, too “soft.” Many scholars believed happiness was largely beyond our control, dictated by genes and luck. But Lyubomirsky was determined to investigate whether that was really true.
Pioneering research into what makes us happy
By the time Lyubomirsky began graduate school in social psychology at Stanford in 1989, happiness research was just starting to be taken seriously. She decided to focus her career on understanding why some people are happier than others. Drawing on emerging work by psychologists like Ed Diener, she explored behavioural patterns that seemed to correlate with happiness: socialising, religious involvement, physical activity. But her research took things further. She found that happy people tended to avoid comparisons with others, viewed people and choices more positively, and didn’t fixate on negativity, the New York Times reported.
Still, she faced the classic scientific problem: correlation isn’t causation. Were those traits the result of being happy—or the source of it? Lyubomirsky began testing simple interventions: acts of kindness and gratitude practices. In controlled experiments, she showed that even modest behavioural changes could make people measurably happier. The effects weren’t huge, but they were real—and importantly, they suggested people had more control over their well-being than previously believed.
A broader movement in psychology emerges
Around the same time, psychology itself began to shift. In 1998, Martin Seligman, as president of the American Psychological Association, called for a return to the discipline’s founding purpose: not just to treat dysfunction, but to help people live better, more fulfilling lives. He encouraged a focus on optimism, social responsibility, and well-being. This helped elevate researchers like Lyubomirsky and Diener, and launched thousands of new happiness studies around the world.
Yet the abundance of options—gratitude, journaling, meditation—created its own dilemma: which interventions really worked? And which were most impactful over time?
The longest-running happiness study enters a new era
In 2003, psychiatrist and Zen Buddhist priest Robert Waldinger became director of Harvard’s landmark happiness study, a longitudinal project that began in 1938. Originally designed to identify traits of healthy young men—including John F. Kennedy—the study expanded over time to include working-class participants and eventually spouses.
Waldinger’s analysis of decades of data pointed to a central truth: good relationships—not wealth, fame, or even physical health—most strongly predicted life satisfaction. In fact, he found that people in secure, happy relationships at age 50 were more likely to enjoy emotional and physical well-being well into old age. In his 2015 TED Talk, Waldinger distilled the study’s key lesson: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
The role of social connection in modern happiness research
More recent work by psychologists like Julia Rohrer in Berlin supported this conclusion with fresh data. Her research found that people who pursued social goals—like spending time with family or building friendships—were happier a year later than those who focused on material or individual ambitions. Meanwhile, other studies showed that even small social interactions, such as chatting with strangers on public transportation, could provide a meaningful boost to mood, according to the New York Times.
Waldinger and Lyubomirsky agree: connection is the thread running through nearly every effective happiness intervention. Acts of kindness, gratitude letters, conversations—all of these enhance our sense of belonging and emotional closeness. Even fleeting exchanges can uplift us, while isolation often erodes our well-being.
Technology, hesitation, and the paradox of connection
Lyubomirsky notes that while technology often receives blame for increasing loneliness, its impact is more nuanced. Her research finds that real-time conversations—whether in person, by phone, or over video—tend to boost happiness. Texting, and especially passive scrolling, are less effective. Still, she argues that online platforms can serve a purpose: they help people connect when other options are unavailable.
Waldinger finds hope in our capacity to overcome the discomfort that often keeps us from reaching out. “We have this innate reluctance to socially connect,” he says. “And then we’re happier when we make ourselves.” Lyubomirsky puts it simply: if she had to recommend just one action to improve happiness, it would be to have a more meaningful conversation—ideally face-to-face, or at least voice-to-voice.
A deeper look at meaning, status, and fulfilment
In a candid conversation from his temporary home in Florida, Waldinger reflected on the paradox of his growing fame as a happiness expert. Despite being grounded in Buddhist philosophy and committed to humble work, he admitted the ego boost of recognition can be hard to ignore. He constantly reminds himself: accolades and influence are fleeting. What matters is connection—like the lunches he shares with his wife every afternoon.
That afternoon, after a long chat in the sun, Waldinger’s visitor noted an unexpected effect. Though she arrived irritable and in pain, she left feeling better—emotionally and even physically. And that, perhaps, is the most enduring takeaway of all: that happiness is not a distant goal but something we create moment by moment, in the quiet power of human connection.
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