Go out and VOTE

Instead, it’s far better to go with the carrot instead of the stick. The promise of a bottle of chilled beer to all voters in this sweltering heat would work wonders in improving the voter turnout. In fact, the worry is that it may even go up 150 percent, as tipplers gripped by democratic fervour do their best to vote again and again. Teetotallers could be given chilled colas and fruit juices, but make sure that this stuff is given to them after they vote and not before---God knows what effect it will have. A man I consulted who claimed to be a doctor said while fruit juice in cocktails is fine, he isn’t sure about the effect drinking 100% fruit juice would have on people. Also, an undesirable side-effect of this scheme could be that tipplers in dry states would seek to relocate to other states en masse.

Another suggestion has been to drum up some entertainment outside the voting booths to attract voters, but political scientists say it won’t make much of a difference, as the voting takes place at the end of a long period of campaigning, and voters are tired of circuses by then.

Undoubtedly the best method to make sure that people vote is one that I have been advocating for a long time, but vested interests inimical to India, perhaps led by the BBC, have always managed to scuttle it. Basically, we need to have a scheme that allows voters to bet on the candidates of their choice, not in some shady satta bazaar, but openly, say at the post office. Once the winning candidate is declared, the total amount of money received on all bets in that constituency can be divided among those who bet on him, minus say 10 percent kept aside for the government and as payment to the patriotic folk who do the work of receiving the bets.

Apart from bets on the winning horse, sorry, candidate, we could also have a double, where voters correctly pick out winners in two electoral races, a treble, where they pick the winner in three constituencies, and a jackpot, where voters correctly predict the winners in five contests.  Politicians and their relatives will be barred from competing and the whole process must be regulated by the Electoral Directorate. Maximum publicity must be given to displaying the amount of money on each candidate at the end of every day once the campaign starts, to engage the voters.

Rest assured, on election day there will be throngs of anxious voters frantically jostling and elbowing each other at polling stations, in their eagerness to put their votes where their money is. Forget election funding, the money thus raised could easily cover the entire fiscal deficit. This is what true participative democracy is all about.

Unfortunately, though, these splendid schemes for increasing voter participation are unlikely to happen soon. Instead of the material incentives, I would therefore urge people to consider the other benefits of voting.

For example, my cousin tells me that he makes it a point to find out the political party that his boss supports and then vote against it. He says it gives him a quiet satisfaction. A niece votes on the same principle, but against her mother-in-law’s candidate. These little psychological benefits of voting cannot be brushed aside.

But the most important thing about voting is that it allows you to make a difference. Consider what would have happened if our earliest ancestors, at the dawn of the Age of Man, hadn’t decided by a voice vote that they would get down from the trees and walk on two legs instead of four. That vote set in motion the whole process by which we can now relax in our air-conditioned homes in high-rise buildings in gated societies, watching election results and ordering pizzas online, while the descendants of those who voted against walking on two legs are still swinging from tree to tree in the forest, eating coconuts.

Taking a more recent instance, I once voted for the JD(S) instead of the JD(U) because I had left my spectacles at home. The upshot: Deve Gowda became prime minister. Therefore, do remember to take your spectacles when you go to the polling booth and find out the difference between NCP (Ajit) and NCP (Sharad) and Shiv Sena (Uddhav) and Shiv Sena (Shinde) factions and learn the different flower symbols for the BJP and the Trinamool Congress.

Most importantly, find out where the candidates stand on the question of veg biryani, for, as the philosopher Ludwig Feuerbach said, ‘Man is what he eats.’ While on the subject, if your candidate has switched sides since the last election, do remember to ask him whether he always butters both sides of his toast.

And finally, there’s no need to feel sad if your candidate or party doesn’t win. After all, as the forefather of conservatism, the philosopher Joseph de Maistre said, "Every nation gets the kind of government it deserves".