Parenting tips: How to teach children about the “invisible load” of managing a home

It can be difficult to motivate children to do chores around the house. However, it’s important, especially as research says that “children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity, and delayed gratification,” as noted by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

The “invisible load” of managing a home, meaning tasks like meal planning, scheduling appointments, and organising chores, can remain unseen and unacknowledged. It is crucial for children to understand how this “invisible load," usually carried by parents, keeps a household functioning smoothly.

By exploring this concept with your children, you can help them develop valuable life skills and a greater appreciation for the efforts that go into everyday domestic life.

Here’s how you can help your children understand the “invisible load” and equip them to navigate the mental and emotional demands of managing their own lives and households in the future.

Explain the concept of the invisible load

• Start by having a conversation about what the invisible load means. Use examples that are relatable to your children, such as how planning for school supplies, remembering birthday parties, or organising family activities all involve thought and effort that often goes unseen


• How to explain: “The invisible load is all the thinking, planning, and organising that happens behind the scenes. It’s like having a checklist in your head that no one else sees, but that helps everything run smoothly.”

Involve them in household chores

• One of the best ways to teach kids about the invisible load is to involve them in managing the household. Give them specific tasks, such as setting the table, packing their school bag, or helping with laundry, and explain that these small jobs are part of a bigger system that keeps the home running.


• How to involve them: Assign age-appropriate chores and rotate tasks so they understand that everyone has a role in keeping the home functional. For example, younger children can help set the table or sort laundry, while older children can assist with meal planning or grocery shopping.

Teach them about planning and organisation

• Help your kids understand the mental effort involved in managing a home by encouraging them to participate in planning activities, such as making shopping lists, organising family outings, or planning meals. This will teach them that managing a home requires foresight and constant adjustment.


• How to teach planning: Have them plan a family meal or organise a small event, such as a movie night or a family game day. Walk them through the steps of what needs to be done before, during, and after the event (making lists, scheduling, cleaning up afterwards).

Use visual tools

• Visual aids like checklists, calendars, or family chore charts can help kids see how many different tasks go into managing a home. These tools can make the invisible load more visible and show them how each family member contributes to the home’s smooth operation.


• How to use visuals: Create a family calendar that tracks activities, chores, and events. Let the children be involved in filling it out and updating it, so they understand the mental effort behind planning.

Also see | Boost kids’ confidence: 10 learning activities to enhance decision-making skills, self-worth

Discuss the emotional labour involved

• Managing a home isn’t just about chores; it also involves emotional labour, such as making sure everyone is happy, remembering to check in on how people are feeling, and maintaining family harmony. Talk to your children about the emotional effort it takes to care for others.


• How to teach emotional labour: When talking about feelings, ask your kids to consider how they can contribute to the emotional well-being of the family. Encourage empathy by discussing how they can help comfort a sibling or recognise when someone might need help.

Model transparency

• Be transparent about the mental load you carry. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or juggling many tasks, share that with your children in a way they can understand. This will give them insight into how much work is involved in managing a household, beyond the physical chores.


• How to model transparency: Say things like, “I’m thinking about what to cook for dinner and how to make sure everyone gets to their activities on time. Could you help me by doing this task?” This helps them see the thought process behind the tasks.

Praise their contributions

• When your children contribute to the household, recognise and praise their efforts. This shows them that their work is valued and encourages them to take ownership of their responsibilities.


• How to praise: Instead of general praise, focus on specifics like, “Thank you for remembering to pack your school bag last night! That helped me not worry about it this morning.”

Create a family responsibility routine

• Create a routine that includes everyone in the family, so it becomes a shared effort rather than falling on one person. Involving kids in the decision-making process helps them understand that they are contributing to the smooth operation of the home.


• How to create a routine: Set a family meeting to divide responsibilities. Discuss what each person can do based on their abilities, and rotate the tasks regularly so everyone has a chance to experience different aspects of the invisible load.

An 85-year (and counting) multigenerational Harvard study that evaluated the backgrounds of over 700 “high achievers” found a strong connection between doing household chores and later professional success. It says that kids who feel involved in shared responsibilities and who feel part of a larger “ecosystem” derive a greater sense of self-worth. They also become able to see the needs of people around them and are therefore more willing to help others.