For over 25 years, Ram Kapoor has been a familiar and beloved face in Indian television and cinema. But never before has he been in the eye of such a public storm until now.
In an exclusive conversation with Moneycontrol, the renowned actor, who has given hit shows like Bade Achche Lagte Hai and Kasamh Se, opened up about the controversy that erupted before the release of his latest series Mistry, and how the experience changed him as a man, a father, and an artist.
I’ve Never Faced Anything Like This
Ram Kapoor admits that Mistry is one of the most special projects of his career, but also one that carried an unprecedented weight. “For the first time in 25 years, I was part of a major controversy. I’ve never even had a small one before,” he says.
The backlash stemmed from his comments on women, which were 'sexist and insensitive'. The timing couldn’t have been worse - right before Mistry's release.
“I was nervous in a way I’ve never been before. I didn’t know how the audience would respond. I was scared it would affect the show," he added.
But Mistry was met with overwhelming appreciation from viewers and the press alike - something Ram Kapoor says is 'deeper than any good response I’ve had in the past.'
Learning to say sorry
Ram Kapoor acknowledged that the criticism he received was not unfounded and that he had been warned by his wife Gautami and close friends in the past to not be 'too loud.'
“I was enjoying the luxury of being a brat. My wife and closest friends used to say, ‘You’re too loud, not everyone gets your sense of humor.’ And I would arrogantly reply, ‘As long as my heart is clean, it’s fine.’ But I was wrong, he added.
He confessed that this incident forced him to reflect on his public identity and responsibility.
“I’m not a 25-year-old anymore. I’m 51. I’m a public figure. I carry baggage. I can’t behave like I did in the past. And I’m glad that realisation has come now," he added.
But what truly pushed Ram Kapoor to apologise publicly was his son.
“My son knows his father can get away with anything. But he also saw that his father apologised. I wanted him to see that. I want him to learn from that. It’s not about defending myself. If people got hurt, then I was wrong. Period," he says it firmly.
Vulnerability Over Vanity
In Mistry, Ram Kapoor plays a brilliant but broken man plagued by trauma and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It's a departure from the loveable, everyday roles Ram Kapoor is known for on TV in the past.
Rather than rely on surface quirks, Ram Kapoor says he internalised the character Armaan Mistry’s pain. “I didn’t focus on the OCD part. I focused on the trauma - the grief of losing his wife. Once I felt that pain, everything else came naturally.”
One of the show’s most memorable scenes, where Mistry plays the flute, was entirely improvised. “It just happened,” he tells us. “I wasn’t orchestrating it. That’s when I knew I had connected to the character.”
Admitting his fault
Ram Kapoor admitted he was at fault and accepts that you only learn from your failures. He said: "You don’t learn from success. You learn from failure. And this has been a failure I’m going to learn a lot from.”
Today, Ram says he is not only grateful for the show’s success but also humbled by the grace extended to him by his fans and the media.
“Despite the controversy, people respected my work. That’s everything to me. If my work continues to be appreciated like this, I’ll face any controversy head-on,” he added.
Excerpts from the exclusive interview:
Reaction to overwhelming response to Mistry amid the controversy
Ram Kapoor: I have been lucky enough to get good responses on many shows of mine. I'm very lucky, but this is so special and so different because, for the first time in my career of 25 years, I was part of the controversy because I've never been in even a small controversy in the past. This one was so big, even when they would write and all of that, I was very nervous. I normally don't, I'm not the kind of person who gets nervous before a project. I never do.
This time I was very nervous because two reasons for Mistry is very special to me. And secondly, it was the first time such a big controversy occurred, and it was the first time my character was questioned and so I didn't know whether people would let that affect the show or not. I mean, I had no experience in this.
Being Scared and nervous
I was very scared and very nervous and I was talking to all the people and saying that I hope the show doesn't suffer because of it. So, when this kind of response came, it was so special, much deeper than good responses of the past because this time I was very nervous and then I must say that not only the audience, which I can never think enough because they make us. It's all new territory for me and I'm just feeling a lot of gratitude that in spite of whatever's happened, Mistry has been received so well and the kind of response that I'm getting—I'm telling you, this might sound weird. I am willing to take any controversy and go through anything if my work is always appreciated to this level because that's the only way back.
My wife Gautami and friends had warned me
Ram Kapoor: I don't allow things to affect me, I don't allow things to become a big deal, I just do not allow it, but it definitely is going to bring about change. I was enjoying the luxury of being a brat and my wife and some of my closest friends used to tell me sometimes you're so obnoxious and so loud, not everybody will get your sense of humour to which I used to say like an obnoxious brat that listen, 'as long as your same things will clean heart, you could never regret it', that hit me right in the face because now they were all proven right. I know now that I have to be aware of who I am. I'm a public figure; I'm not just my 25-year-old brat, I'm Ram Kapoor, who comes with a certain kind of baggage. Secondly, I'm 51 years old now; I can't act like a 25-year-old. So, I used to not allow these kinds of thoughts to enter, but now they will and that's a good thing. I think anything that happens, happens for the best. This whole thing that happened, eventually I think, will have happened for the best. If I make sure that I don't offend anyone in the future, then it's all good, and Mistry got appreciated, so it has to be all good."
Mistry was different from other shows
Ram Kapoor: So every actor has his own method, his own approach to a role like this, which is a difficult role. I met with doctors who handle OCD patients. I had sessions with them. I saw lots and lots of tapes of OCD patients and what they go through all of that. I did all of that. And then a lot of suggestions were given to me. I went to a different approach. What I did was I did not focus on the quirks or the traits that I'm going to incorporate. I instead tried to internalise and feel the drama that he went through. I focused and got in touch with that, that drama and I tried to really feel it. So, I felt that when I'm really connecting to that trauma, I was becoming a vulnerable child without having to do anything. I tried to build on that. So whatever quirks you're seeing, I didn't plan them. When they happened, I enhanced them. That was my approach; this just worked for me.
The famous flute scene
Ram Kapoor: For a lot of people, that is their favorite episode because for a lot of people, that's their favorite episode. I don't want to dissect it too much. I'm just very, very grateful that the country, the audience, is liking the show so much. That's the only thing that we all work for.
Audience is God
Ram Kapoor: It's all of you that make us. Today, Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, Mr. Amitabh Bachchan are stars because the audience has made them stars. So, whatever we are, the audience makes us what we are. If the audience decides we don't want him anymore, your stardom is gone, no matter what you do. So, I'm just so grateful that in spite of everything, they were pointing fingers at me. They were making comments about me, which justify that because the thing is, when this kind of article comes, people are going to say things, why not? So we expect it, but that did not translate to my work. They still respected my work. Whatever I'm going to, what we may have done, I'm on mysteries, not to be plain. That is amazing. And I will never be able to thank everybody for that. So I cannot thank you guys. You never, nobody can learn anything from the successes. You only learn from your failures.
Son who looks up to me
Ram Kapoor: I will learn tremendously from this. At 51, when you have enough money, enough work, enough of everything, it's very difficult to change the person you are. You are alienated, you are spoiled, you are a brat, you have everything, so why change? If you have the ability of changing at 51, then it is good. I have a son who looks at me, so I have to make him see the right thing. He knows that his father can get away with anything, but his father still apologises in the newspaper. I want him to learn from that."
As Mistry continues to earn praise, Ram Kapoor seems content both as an actor and as a human being.
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