Where is Kate Middleton, aka Catherine, Princess of Wales?

In a fit of royalty loyalty, Kate Middleton fans – Katers – are begging and praying for her to make an appearance, however small, just to dispel the dark mutterings. (File image via wires)

Many Kates have hit the headlines for many reasons. Kate Moss, Kate Winslet, Kate Hudson… but right now it is Kate Middleton, aka Catherine, Princess of Wales, who is in the news. This particular Kate has been missing since sometime around Christmas. One day she was at the annual Christmas Day service at Sandringham and then, bam, she was whisked away for abdominal surgery.

Usually a glamorous sight – alone or with her husband Prince William, heir to the British throne, and many a times holding her three children by hand – with her outfits, shoes, bags and hairstyle setting off paragraphs and pictures of their own, she has been sorely missed by her adoring fans of late. Indeed, this is turning into a hysterical whodunnit: where is Kate?

Tabloids and twitter are an explosion of conspiracy theories. The most dramatic theory is that Kate Middleton is in a coma – courtesy a suspect section of the Spanish press. The palace denied this. There has been flyaway tittle-tattle about domestic abuse. They are getting divorced, surmise others. She has had plastic surgery, say yet others. Just like constellations are named after their discoverers, all those who go down this particular rabbit hole are called hardcore Katers.

The official press note said she has gone in for a planned abdominal surgery, which required two weeks of hospital stay, and a convalescence period until after Easter. ‘What?’ went the world, ‘That’s two months!’ Fans of her – who love her while simultaneously hating her sister-in-law, Harry’s wife Meghan Markle who lives in Montecito, in a fit of royalty loyalty – are begging and praying for her to make an appearance, however small, just to dispel the dark mutterings.

Many small plots are a part of the larger plot: Kate’s surgery followed news of King Charles’ prostate problem; he is now being treated for cancer unrelated to the prostate problem. His other son, Harry, dashed in all the way from the US to visit him after the cancer diagnosis but was allowed to stay only for half an hour. There were murmurs that he was sent by Meghan to spy on Kate’s illness. Harry previously wrote his memoir, Spare, where he did not spare his dad, stepmom Camilla, William or Kate. Prince William attended the BAFTA film awards alone this year. (Last year he had a golden Kate on his arm in a sparkly gown.) He also pulled out of a memorial service at Windsor Castle.

Also, Prince William was seen visiting the hospital only once. Kate was never witnessed leaving the hospital (or checking into it for that matter). How could she have escaped the paparazzi and their cameras waiting unblinkingly for her day and night? She has not been seen waving warmly at anyone anywhere! Not from a balcony, not from a car, not from a red carpet, not from any cathedral.

Any sighting of Kate would be a mystery solved, a case dismissed, a happily ever after.