Fans of Haruki Murakami recently woke up to the news that Japanese casualwear brand Uniqlo was collaborating with him for a range of T-shirts featuring motifs from his novels and radio programmes. One of them proclaims: “Books, music, and cats have been my friends from way back.” Perhaps an assortment of cat food or a jazz anthology would have been more appropriate.
Maybe that’s why another garment from the Murakami collection bears a line from his chunky novel, IQ84: “Don’t let appearances fool you.” Yet another displays the cover artwork of his second novel, Pinball, 1973, with the words: “Just about anything looks better from a distance.” Presumably, that doesn’t apply to the apparel in question.
Consumer product companies have been doing this for years, of course. It’s called brand extension: the name of an established product is spread across different categories to entice consumers. After all, as the reasoning goes, why put only Lux soap into your shopping basket when you can also add Lux shampoo, Lux body wash, and Lux deodorant?
If they were to embrace this practice, tremendous opportunities await other novelists, as well as the estates of deceased ones. Murakami may or may not get the Nobel, but he could be the harbinger of a way to put more money into writers’ pockets.
One looks forward to a collection of Elena Ferrante friendship bands, for instance. These can be inscribed with the names Lenu and Lila, and further personalised for a small fee. Sturdy, attractive, and guaranteed to last as long as the friendship does.
Then, there could be boxes of Orhan Pamuk baklava. An irresistible blend of Western know-how and Eastern ingredients, suffused with that distinctive end-of-empire flavour. Proust madeleines can also be made available, the perfect light and spongey treat to serve guests who drop in unannounced and talk for hours about things past.
In India, Chetan Bhagat pencil erasers would be a big draw. Smooth and specially crafted for IIM aspirants, each with a special mechanism that allows you to erase three mistakes at one go.
Shobhaa De handbags sound attractive, too, marketed as a stylish accessory for socialite evenings, lockdown liaisons, and other soirees. Very blingy, very elegant, and guaranteed to go on and on without looking the worse for wear.
Taking a page from The Great Gatsby, Scott Fitzgerald shirts are also an idea waiting to happen. Crafted from sheer linen, structured silk, and fine flannel, in stripes or plains, suitable for thronged poolside parties in dubious company.
The morning after the party, what better than some George R.R. Martin weaponry to deal with annoying neighbours and inefficient colleagues? Inspired by Game of Thrones, this could be a fine array of hammers, swords, claws and needles forged with Valyrian steel. Naturally, every sale would come with a disclaimer that the author would not be liable for criminal suits involving the said arsenal.
Moving on to millennials, Sally Rooney phone cases might well be irresistible. Available only in pink, of course, and designed to protect smartphones during hours of conversations with friends and other normal people. With a special feature that blocks calls and texts, for those times when you just want to reflect on past relationships.
Given her predilection for Italy, a Jhumpa Lahiri travel app sounds promising, too: a comprehensive guide to the sights and flavours of the country, ready to download onto your smartphone. A premium version can include a handy translation tool with helpful words and phrases.
Those with more canonical interests would be attracted to Conan Doyle magnifying glasses, engineered to let the user precisely distinguish between various types of ash, soil and other residues. Buy five, and you get a deerstalker cap for free. Watson not included.
On a more mundane note, if you’ve ever woken up to discover beetles or other insects in your room, a Franz Kafka pesticide may be just the antidote you need. Strong, effective, and with a pleasing fragrance to also dispel malaise and meaninglessness.
Finally, given the nature of our times, a George Orwell smartwatch would be an apt wrist accessory. This can notify you of official TV broadcasts, send you patriotic messages, track your every move, and let you record any suspicious activity that needs to be reported to the authorities. Why, it could even strike thirteen.
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