The Financial Virgin Speaketh…

To start with, let me sum up my financial training with the aid of a simple equation.

D + S - √ß ÷ K = 0.

Thank you. If anyone knows what this equation means, please do email me.

It may not make much sense but this equation helps shut up financial nerds from going on talking about the sub prime markets tanking due to a shut down of basic copyright issues in the elimination of balance sheet related prowess matrix projections causing a reduction in the number of floors in Mukesh Ambani’s new mansion, or some such.

To give you an idea of just how inadequate my knowledge of the financial world is let me share a list of choice analogies.

1. Hippopotami have more knowledge of Dr. Atkins diet, than I do of the financial market.

That’s it. I will post some more when I get the time, or the intelligence.

(For those who didn’t get the analogy. Hippopotami = plural of hippopotamus. Hippopotamus = obese vegetarian creatures that regularly compromise on the security of wooden boats floating in African waters. Dr. Atkins’ Diet = Weight Loss Diet mainly consisting of meat, not on PETA’s wish list. Basically, hippopotami are fat asses.)

However, since, reporting and writing for News On The Loose, my knowledge of the workings of the financial world has shot up.

Here are three business lessons I’ve learnt through this endeavor:

Lesson 1: Business Leaders don’t take kindly to wise ass comedians making fun of their appalling taste in spectacles on national TV.
Lesson 2: Kishore Biyani has really stylish spectacles, that are the envy of all the spectacle wearers in Milan.
Lesson 3: Mr. Biyani, now can you please refrain your bodyguards from breaking the rest of my weak bones?

As you can see my business knowledge is now crossed the commendable scale. Or as my business friends (P.S. Mr. Senthil Sir will you be my friend) would say, “Pant’s stock has risen.”

This does not take away from the fact that I still remain a Financial Virgin (Two words that have not been seen together since the dawn of Human Resource Management & Corporate Governance)

Thus, starting today you can avail of my insightful knowledge of the business world. From now, until the day the guys at moneycontrol realize that I am more full of bull than the Sensex post Union Budget ’07.

Moneycontrol.com takes no responsibility for the future words (and appalling wardrobe choices) of Sorabh Pant. In fact neither does Sorabh Pant. Patrons are requested to terminate all contact with their business acumen (or get really plastered) while reading these so called blogs.